Season 3 | Episode 6 | “A Puppet Walks Into a Bar” Aired November 6, 2015

When the Undateable cast and writers started leaking photos of character puppets, I was a bit leery. I’ve seen one too many sitcoms try to push the envelope by creating a show revolving around puppet versions of the main cast members. Fortunately for us, the puppets were secondary to real life people. And I’m proud to report that they actually had a purpose. Well done Undateable writers. Well done.

After learning that Justin knows how to sign “stop staring at me dork” because he was bullied by a deaf kid in junior high, he let’s the group in on a secret: Mike is going to propose to Leslie! Forget the fact that you have no idea who Mike is and concentrate on the exciting news that one of the undateables may be off the market soon! Justin has been given the task of creating the perfect scenario. Everyone is on board except for Danny. Thanks to an unfortunate incident involving a guy named Johnny Football and a double dog dare right before prom night, Danny is no longer allowed to meddle in Leslie’s love life. Justin, the king of romance, produces a box. He thinks the contents of said box will change Danny’s mind. Say hello to the puppet version of yourself! Puppet Candace flips her hair, Puppet Brett checks out a guy headed to the bar, Puppet Shelly is up for some herbal refreshment, and Puppet Danny is as pompous as real Danny. Everyone dances to this week’s musical talent. American Authors, before the big moment.

Justin is pumped. He sends Mike to his office and everyone else behind the bar to wait for Leslie to arrive. Danny greets Leslie when she walks in. He casually brings up Mike’s name and asks her if she’s happy with her relationship. To Danny’s surprise, her answer “meh.” She is glad that they are both on the same page — it’s just casual. She knows in her heart that Mike isn’t the one.

At that moment, four puppet versions of Justin, Shelly, Brett, and Candace pop up with signs that say, “Will you marry me?” Danny is able to distract Leslie from seeing the signs, but that does explain why four people are crouched behind a bar. Brett thinks on his feet and announces that they were all playing Spin the Bottle. Then he kissed Shelly. With tongue.

Leslie leaves just as Mike comes out of the office. Danny and Justin have to explain that Leslie isn’t interested in marrying him. When Leslie learns that Mike was going to propose, she flips out that Danny stole the moment from her. She should have been the one to let Mike down easy. Leslie storms out. Danny blames Justin for dragging him into one of Leslie’s relationships.

Justin realizes that they have to fix the mess they’ve created. He and Danny are a team. And to prove that he knows Danny will always be there for him, he offers to trust fall into his arms. Danny repeatedly warns Justin that he will not catch him. This did not stop Justin from flailing backwards into the unopened arms of his roommate. These physical acts of comedy are my favorite moments from Brent Morin.

Meanwhile, the realistic Burski puppet is making out with Leslie’s puppet. It was as disturbing as it sounds. Brett has a quick “The More You Know” moment about “puppet protection” just as Danny and Justin bust through the door. They announce that they have fixed everything. Mike is going to propose again! Leslie is annoyed that they convinced Mike to propose again, even though they knew her answer would be no. She finally breaks it off with Mike and eventually apologizes to Danny for not recognizing that he was only looking out for her.

Danny is unwilling to acknowledge Justin for dragging him through this situation. But Puppet Danny thanks Puppet Justin for his interference. Puppet Justin cries and everyone ends in a big group hug where I’m sure Puppet Burski got a little action off-camera with Puppet Leslie.

Love Notes

Candace: I haven’t seen him this excited since NBC announced they were doing a live version of The Wiz. Did you guys hear that they are still casting the Cowardly Lion?
Shelly: Huh. All-black cast. Someone who has live TV experience. I wonder who they could get? [To the camera: CALL ME!]

Shelly: I am not going to watch two grown men lick each other out of spite. NOT AGAIN.

Season 53 | Episodes 152–156 | Aired Nov 2–6, 2015

Let choirs sing out. Let children rejoice in the street. Let the happy dancing commence. As of November 6, 2015, General Hospital‘s Jakeson is no more. While his own memories may remain elusive, Jake officially knows he is Jason Morgan/Quartermaine. The next chapter of this saga has finally begun. And while we may have no thanks to Elizabeth, Nikolas, Hayden, Lucky, or Laura for keeping us tied to the secret, we can firmly thank Carly for finding out the truth and running (and crashing and falling) with it.

While Carly Corinthos may have her detractors, when it comes to determination, she is largely unparalleled. As soon as Carly sees Spinelli’s facial reconstruction showing that Jake Doe is Jason, she springs into action. Carly obtains Jason’s DNA by making him rehydrate post–bachelor party, as any best person is wont to do. Snagging the empty water bottle, she reaches out to a hotel client, a doctor, and has him run a DNA test against Jason’s on-file DNA within the PCPD. Remember when Helena had Jason’s fingerprints wiped from the system so nobody would identify Jake-as-Jason last year? Apparently she didn’t wipe the DNA files, and nobody has run it in the past year (lazy), so it takes Carly a matter of scenes to get her results. Her best friend is alive!!!

Of course, the path to telling this information is wrought with more delays than a flight out of Chicago in January. First, a drunk Kiki runs Carly off the road. Then Carly is unconscious. When she regains consciousness, she’s trapped by her seat belt and can’t reach her phone. After she cuts herself out of the seat belt, she calls Jason, but stumbles and drops her phone into a puddle. And for her grand finale, Carly trips and knocks herself out (again), hitting her head on a rock.

Meanwhile, a handful of people have noticed that Carly has gone incommunicado. Jason has Sam ping his cell phone and he tracks her down to the accident site. And there, the magic finally happens. Carly begins to call him Jason, and he thinks she is delusional after the accident. Then Carly pushes on, revealing the computer program and DNA results. Jason is in firm denial for about a minute, and then his resolve crumbles. While he begins to accept the truth, Jason has a hard time believing that he has been living his own life, for a year, with no glimmer of recognition. Carly reminds him that people in town were drawn to him; Spinelli knew it from behind; and of he has an amazing Jason-like skill set. Jason accepts the truth and wonders what he is supposed to do now. Carly suggests calling off his wedding to Elizabeth, since he’s still married to Sam.

Speaking of which, Elizabeth has spent the whole day getting primped and ready for her wedding, only to have constant reminders of her deception rear their knowing heads. First, Laura, having found out Jason was searching for his truth, shows up at her house. Laura points out that if Elizabeth’s connection to Jason is real, then Elizabeth should trust him and tell the truth. Elizabeth isn’t interested, and even less so when Hayden pops into the church’s bridal suite for some baiting conversation. As Jason and Carly are delayed, the crowd grows restless, especially Elizabeth’s sons. Jason texts Sam (?!?) to let her know they’re on the way. Just as Elizabeth is about to announce a slight delay to the assembled guests, Carly and Jason arrive. And for the viewing audience, Monday can’t arrive quickly enough!

Back at the hospital, Sonny is only slightly concerned about his AWOL wife, instead focusing on Ric’s news that the Avery custody has been moved up to that afternoon. Never mind that Sonny is still in the hospital—it’s a perfect time to go after Ava, right? Criminal activities aside (on both parties), why was this supposed to be a good thing? Sonny and Ava tear into each other in his hospital room, pretrial, with both showing their ugly desire to win over care for their daughter. Scott is determined to let the day in court be the deciding factor, but Ava is panicked that the judge will side with Sonny. Ava reaches out to Paul for assistance, but he’s not willing to openly get his hands dirty. Instead, Paul provides Ava with a mysterious game plan that gives her confidence in the day’s outcome. To celebrate, the pair decide to have sex on Paul’s desk, with the office door slightly ajar, and a shocked Anna listening (looking?) in.

The marriage of Lulu and Dante is officially in dire straits, as Lulu finds out the sordid details of her husband’s night with her cousin in her marital bed. The Halloween party is officially derailed, with Nathan ordering the guests out by command of the PCPD. Valerie, while apologizing, still tries to put some ownership of the situation on Lulu because of her secret trip to Canada with Dillon. Yup, not buying it. Even if Lulu and Dillon had been having an affair, two wrongs don’t make a right, so this is still all on Dante and Valerie. Especially Valerie, as Dante was drunk and irrational at the time. To his credit, Dante isn’t blaming his wife, just profusely apologizing. But Lulu has no interest in forgiveness, telling Dante and Olivia that her marriage is over. Lulu moves out, taking Rocco’s stuffed bear, but leaving behind the family photo Dante offers her.

Now that truths are on the table, it remains to be seen which questions will be answered and what remaining secrets will come to light. How long will it be until Nikolas and Elizabeth’s duplicity is revealed? What will come of Hayden’s knowledge about Nikolas’ role in her shooting? How long will Monica hug Jason for? Will Jason’s memories return, or will his newfound noncriminal personality stick? Will Franco learn that nobody sideswiped his car, but instead, his pseudo-daughter crashed it? Will anybody do the math on Sabrina’s enormous baby bump? How will little Emma react to yet another back-from-the-dead engagement derailment?

Which question/secret has you the most excited?

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “A House Is Not a Home” | Aired Nov 5, 2015

Something happened on this week’s The Player episode, “A House Is Not a Home,” that I never thought I’d see. We saw Mr. Johnson quake in his shoes.

Mr. Johnson and Samuel, the judge friend who is part of the Council (the group that makes the rules for the House), were supposed to meet and discuss whether there are some folks Mr. Johnson should be wary of (with Cassandra at the top of Samuel’s suspect list). Mr. Johnson takes Saumel’s advice to visit his old neighborhood, in which he’s become a legend. A streetwise kid gives him a message from an unknown person to visit the mausoleum of Teddy Roe, a person who is still a mystery to us, but was apparently very influential in Mr. Johnson’s life.

Samuel is waiting for him … or so it would seem. In actuality, Samuel’s neck has been slit! Someone killed him, and that shook Mr. Johnson to his core. Not only was his friend and mentor killed in cold blood, but Samuel’s death is a message to Mr. Johnson to watch his back. But from what? From whom? Who wants to do Mr. Johnson in?

All Mr. Johnson knows is that he needs his allies to be on his side, so he calls Cassandra, who is currently doing her own independent investigation of Ginny’s disappearance. Samuel had warned Mr. Johnson about Cassandra’s loyalty, seeing how she still doesn’t know the truth about her family (and Mr. Johnson does). Uncharacteristically, he calls Cassandra, half-mourning, half-venting about what he’s just been through, and asks her to stop whatever she’s doing because he needs all the help he can get. She says she’s loyal to him, but if you look at her face, you can tell she’s still going to continue her investigation into Ginny’s disappearance.

All of this gives me more ammunition for my “Ginny is behind it all” theory. Barbara, Ginny’s mother, told Alex in a drunken stupor that Ginny had never lived an honest day in her life. Ginny is such a good liar, she could have been lying about being caught. She’s not a damsel in distress. She’s got to be the one orchestrating what Samuel called a “death by a thousand cuts.” It’s so obvious that Mr. Johnson has got to suspect her. He should have been suspecting her from the beginning.

Supposing Ginny is behind it all, the real mystery is why she wants to bring down the House. Was she a former Player who somehow made it out? Was she wronged by Mr. Johnson at some point (when he was just known by his first name, Isaiah)? Was her relationship with Alex just a plot to get him into the House so she could use his abilities to take it down from the inside while she works from the outside? Who knows? Also confusing is just what her relationship is with Cassandra. Apparently they were friends. But all of this is leading to somewhere I can’t foresee.

The mystery is such a good one, I think, that it’s a shame the show has been “trimmed.” A few of my reacts have ended with me discussing the nebulous future of The Player. The fate of the show has become even more precarious with it getting the “trimmed” treatment, but NBC and the rest of the networks have begun extolling the merits of online views in a way they haven’t before. On the one hand, it’s encouraging. On the other hand, that small glimmer of encouragement could just be false hope, because how feasible is it to keep a show that’s not doing well during its live spot on the air just for the online audience?

Even though they’re being even more aggressive in their discussions about the importance of online viewership, just how heavily online views are being weighed remains to be seen. If a network decides to renew one of their trimmed shows, that’s when I’ll really begin to think there’s a sea change in how the networks do business. But until then, I’m scared for The Player‘s future, as well as the future for other trimmed shows like Minority Report. These shows deserve a chance, and I hope the networks are as willing to give it to them as they say they are.

As for now, I’m hoping we’ll get to the big reveal of Ginny’s underhandedness before we get to the last of the newly trimmed season. If this is to be our last season with The Player, let’s hope we get a reasonable resolution. It might also be good news if NBC decides to move The Player to Friday. It would appear that for NBC (and Fox, for that matter), Thursdays are their “chill” days—as in, many people tune out of those networks and tune in to ABC. NBC and Fox seem to get the lion’s share of their primetime viewership on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, what with their front-loaded hour-long blocks of Gotham, The Voice, the Chicago Fire/P.D. lineup, and The Mysteries of Laura and Law and Order: SVU.

NBC lucked out on Fridays being a hot night once Grimm—a show I thought they were trying to kill by moving it to what was historically a dead night—flourished in the spot without competition from other shows. Since The Player didn’t get the Monday top-billing it deserves, perhaps it should move to Friday to join Grimm. It could be a two-hour night of action, sci-fi, fantasy, and daring do. I think it could work. If Bones and Sleepy Hollow get to share the same night, why not The Player and Grimm?

What did you think of this episode? Give your opinions below!

The Playerairs Thursdays at 10/9C on NBC.

Season 6 | Episodes 7 | “Na Kama Hele” | Aired Nov 6, 2015

Football and first dates are the subject of tonight’s Hawaii Five-0. I’m not super familiar with either of those things, but I don’t think they typically involve quite so much crime. But this is Hawaii, and things are different.

Chin, Kono, and Lou are at a high school football game. It’s the semifinals, and the star quarterback, Jesse, is dropping the ball big time (both metaphorically and literally). Chin is a super-fan, so he knows this just isn’t like him—something is wrong. Chin’s theory is confirmed when two sketchy guys follow Jesse to the locker room mid-game.

Chin and Lou go in to check on Jesse, but he says nothing is wrong. Finally, after Chin’s inspiring speech about Jesse’s bright future, Jesse confesses that his dad has been kidnapped. If he doesn’t throw the game, the kidnappers will kill him. Chin tells Jesse to go out and win the game. Five-0 will find his dad.

Step one is bringing the two goons at the game to HQ. The team tries to get some answers out of them, but they’re not talking. So Chin takes advantage of Five-0’s “full immunity” thing and beats the crap out of one of the men. Unsurprisingly, he talks.

The kidnapper is Oliver Zelenko, a drug runner whose cover import/export business was shut down. He placed a big bet on the opposing team to get himself out of the hole.

Chin and Lou race to Zelenko’s, but time is running out (literally); if they don’t make it there before the end of the game, Jesse’s dad is dead. Luckily, Jesse wins the game and Chin and Lou burst in to save his dad right in the nick of time.

Earlier in the day, Lou tried to talk Steve out of his first date with Lynn (Sarah Carter, Falling Skies). Rather than coffee or drinks, Steve organized a snorkeling trip and hike on a deserted island. Steve McGarrett is a beautiful man who looks great in a tank top, but I am still swiping left on that first date—no thank you.

Lou is worried that if the date goes badly, Steve will have no exit strategy, however, he’s less worried once he sees Lynn. (Let’s just say that she’s not unattractive.) Also, she works in human services keeping kids the system has given up on out of jail. WE GET IT, YOU’RE PERFECT, LYNN.

After their boat ride and snorkeling, Lynn takes Steve to a beautiful spot to take some first-date selfies. (Is this a thing people do?) On their way back to the boat, Lynn suggests a shortcut which is almost always a terrible idea, because now they’re lost in the middle of nowhere.

But they do stumble across something strange: a hidden plane in the middle of the jungle. This is especially weird because the plane didn’t crash. But before they can ponder any further, someone starts shooting at them.

Lynn, being a normal member of society, is not handling this near-death experience well. And naturally they don’t have any cell service. The ONE TIME you don’t have your satphone, Steven, honestly.

So Steve uses the shiniest knife in all of existence as a mirror to make sure the shooter goes the wrong way, and then he and Lynn race to find the boat. Fortunately, they find it easily. Unfortunately, the boat is on fire, and it was their only way off the island.

Steve and Lynn hear the shooter radioing someone. He’s still looking for them, so Steve suggests that he and Lynn head back to the plane. It’s the last place the bad guys will look for them.

Lynn reluctantly agrees, and suggests another shortcut, this one crossing a huge waterfall. (I am not convinced Lynn knows what a shortcut is.) They manage to get across okay, but unfortunately, so does the shooter.

The three of them struggle at the top and the shooter is thrown over the edge. Lynn gets pretty banged up, too, so Steve uses part of his shirt to make her a cute headband/bandage. If you gotta get a head wound, you might as well look cute, too, I guess.

Back at the plane, Steve figures out it was a prisoner transport, and with a little help from the flight plan and a great memory for national news events, Steve realizes that the plane was transporting Boston mob boss, Dennis Logan, who was presumed dead four years ago when his plane disappeared. But there’s no sign of a struggle. The whole plane was in on his escape.

Steve and Lynn come up with a new plan: steal Logan and his partner’s boat. Logan (who is still alive) and his girlfriend, Vicki, also have a plan: kill the spares and find a new deserted island.

Steve shoots a flare into Logan’s camp, distracting them so Lynn can steal the boat. But Logan isn’t stupid; he realizes what’s going on and he catches up to Lynn, and now he has a hostage.

Logan tries to use Lynn to draw Steve out, but Steve has Vicki hostage, and he threatens to take her back to Oahu. Logan doubts Steve will leave his girlfriend behind, but Steve announces that he’s not risking his life for Lynn—he just met her. HARSH.

But it was all a ploy! Steve gets the upper hand on Logan, and he hands the criminals over to the police once they are back on Oahu. And Steve and Lynn decide that since they’re both still alive, it was a pretty decent first date. I know the dating world is tough out there, but have higher standards, people.

FINAL THOUGHTS

• At the football game, Chin asks Lou if Lynn is “thumb-worthy,” meaning “Would you cut off your thumb to spend the weekend with her?” I am pretty confident this is NOT A THING, but I sure as hell can’t Google it to confirm. WHO KNOWS WHAT WOULD COME UP.
• Lou’s scene with the goons at the football game is a perfect example of why I love him.
• Theory as to where Danny was this week since we didn’t even mention him? I like to think he’s hanging with Charlie at the hospital because that makes me happy and no Danny makes me sad.

Hawaii Five-0 airs Fridays at 9/8C on CBS.

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “A House Is Not a Home” | Aired Nov 5, 2015

Fans of The Player have probably been enjoying the fact that the show cast Richard Roundtree as Mr. Johnson’s equally enigmatic friend in a high place, Judge Samuel Letts. That’s the original Shaft! And he’s acting opposite Wesley Snipes! It’s like some sort of unofficial Shaft and Blade crossover, and it’s been awesome. Right until this week’s episode, when things escalated quickly.

Johnson invited himself along on Alex Kane’s (Philip Winchester) trip to Chicago, so that he could have his meeting with Letts, who had grown increasingly concerned about the investigation into the House by smarmy FBI agent Rose Nolan. He’d already discovered that Nolan was protected and therefore unable to be disposed of, so he was now worrying about how much damage she could do, and the overall precarious position of the House. But wait—this wasn’t another one of those ominous hand-wringing scenes.

It was a lot more.

As the conversation progressed, Letts encouraged Johnson to visit “the old neighborhood.” And when he dropped the word “family,” it was also a mic-dropping moment. This federal judge was no longer just another of Mr. Johnson’s high-powered friends. He was part of his family, and Chicago was Johnson’s hometown, and holy crap what did we just learn here? For the audience, Letts was the key to turning Johnson from the mysterious, martial arts-wielding Pit Boss behind the sunglasses into an actual human being who had relatives and a childhood and some semblance of normalcy. We knew all these things intrinsically—you don’t just materialize into fully formed authority, even if you’re played by Wesley Snipes—but here was the proof.

Why was this important? Because for one thing, you could totally imagine Richard Roundtree and Wesley Snipes being related. They’re both too cool for school. But mostly because it knocked Johnson down a few pegs. Enigmatic characters might be cool, and they might get a lot of the witty one-liners, but from a story perspective they can be boring. Keeping too many secrets means less information to explore the character with and less for the fans to get to know, too. We’d gotten a few hints about Mr. Johnson before (namely in “The Big Blind”), but now we got to dig into his past and see how he behaved around someone he genuinely cared about. For a couple of moments, there was almost a warm, fuzzy feeling.

But then The Player killed Shaft off.

Johnson discovered Letts’s body waiting for him at a local mausoleum, the other man’s throat slit, and for a second, it seemed like he’d start quoting Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride. That is, if he himself could get out of the final resting place alive:

There were all sorts of crazy canon implications here, like how Johnson was going to be able to defend himself against the opposition now that he’d just lost a powerful supporter, and how those people had gotten to Letts so quickly after their meeting, and, oh yeah, someone still had to exfiltrate Alex after he’d been spotted saving a local blogger from a bomb vest. Plus, the disappointment of not getting to see any more of Richard Roundtree.

But that was all secondary to the character material—getting to see Mr. Johnson at a marked disadvantage for the first time, and actually feeling sorry for and able to empathize with this person who sometimes didn’t appear to actually be capable of emotion. It was unexpected, uncomfortable, and, in a strange way, exciting, because it was such new territory. Johnson started the series off as the face of the enemy, and now we’re starting to care about him and the people in his life and hoping he survives. How quickly things change.

This is why more people should be watching The Player. Whether or not you understand the concept of the Game, you don’t have to in order to appreciate the story. Underneath the idea of gambling on crime, what it’s really about is this group of people who all have different perspectives on the situations they handle, and who are all forced to work together even though they’re seemingly miles apart. All of them hold their cards close, but as the season has gone on, we’ve cracked them all.

In Mr. Johnson’s case, we already knew he was a man with a very specific way of looking at the world and a very specific set of skills (take that, Liam Neeson). But now, by introducing the person closest to him and then killing that person off, we’ve learned where he came from and who he came up with, and we started to get the picture of the man behind the Game. Surprisingly enough, by taking away some of his mystery, we’ve made him even more intriguing. Now, who can’t wait to see him get revenge?

The Player airs Thursdays at 10 p.m. on NBC.